What’s wrong with me? | betsyrowbottom

I met someone recently who upon learning that I’m not married, said, “How could that be?  What is wrong with you?  Are you crazy?”  I stared blankly at him, a bit shocked, then replied, “No,  I’m not crazy”.  Perhaps in an attempt to backpedal, he quickly added “but you’re a catch.  I don’t understand.”  He then proceeded to tell me that he never should have married his wife (oh yeah, did I mention… he’s married).  He said that he knew it was a mistake before his wedding day, but he went through with it anyway.  And now, all he really wants, is to fall in love.  It’s what’s been missing from his otherwise successful life.  It’s hard to feel bad for the guy who, at least from the outside, has everything.  Only he knows he is lost and longing for a different life, growing resentful of passing birthdays and watching the grains of sand fall a little faster through the hourglass as he recounts the big decisions of his life and wonders how it could have turned out differently if he had not denied his intuition.

That conversation left me wondering, too.  Maybe I am crazy… to believe that living an authentic life where genuineness, intuition and optimism have truly been my compasses to follow.  Perhaps people place no value on my choices because they haven’t followed their hearts so they think anyone who does, is just nuts.  There are so few examples where people actually create a life (job, spouse, adventures) where they follow their hearts – above all else. Maybe there aren’t enough everyday examples for people to believe it actually happens in real life. It’s so rare, they make ‘feel good’ movies about peoples’ stories where they persevered and followed their gut.

So.  Ok.  I’ve concluded that maybe there is something wrong with me.  I want to create a life in which I love my man with 100% of my big open heart and not hold back 20% because it’s smarter playing the odds and assuming that it will end someday.   I want to be loved 100% by a man who knows how to give to people he loves with an open heart without fear of being duped or rejected.  I want to earn a paycheck doing work that I really believe in, bringing joy (and example, to do the same) to people who also want to make the world better.  Is there something wrong with that?

I could not have said it better!!! I suppose I am crazy for not compromising what I value in a relationship. But, with so many of my friends divorced ... am I really?